Rhythms of the Night

Only great minds can read this


fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

 

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

 

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it

1.   A Foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells
     her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2.   One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
      Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
      After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3.   Three FASTEST means of Communication :
      a)   Tele-Phone
      b)   Tele-Vision
      c)   Tell-to-Woman
      Need FASTER wat - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4.   Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.

5.   A man got 2 wishes from GOD.  He asked for the Best wine and Best
      Woman.
      Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
      Moral :  BE SPECIFIC

6.   Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
     They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.
     Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
     Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.
     Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
     Ant 4 says : No,we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
 
7.   Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
      Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

8.   When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from
      Darkness. Even after you pray, if you are still in Darkness - Please PAY
      the ELECTRICITY BILL.

9.   Why Government DO NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because as per
      Constitution, you CANNOT BE PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

10.   There is no SUCCESS without U.

Some quotes from famous thinkers for those who are considering marriage.  

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.  - Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. - Dumas

The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, "What does a woman want? - Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."  - Henny Youngman

"I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison

"There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage."
James Holt McGavran

"I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t."  - Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.  - Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once… Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."  - Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife’s an angel!"
Second Guy: "You’re lucky, mine’s still alive."  - Anonymous

Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense  
 
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.  No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn’t always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

Common Sense lost his life time investment when businessmen and employees started to make profit for themselves and not for the company that pays their wages.
 
Common Sense has to sallow the truth when there is not accountability from those in public office - "Mr. I can do" when thing goes wrong.
 
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 -year- old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; an 8 –year- old boy’s arm is crushed as a punishment for stealing a loaf of bread for hunger; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Tylenol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments/Quran/F ó Jing became contraband; churches/mosques/temples became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I’m A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on.  If not, join the majority and do nothing.

 

After all the trouble, all the preparations, it boils down to just one day. The New Year Eve. After the dinner, after the mid night celebrations, half the mood and the feeling is gone. Comes the second day, I have lost all mood and started to feel very restless sitting at home with nothing to do.

That’s the way it is with me every year. New Year is for the children only. They have programs lined up for each day of New Year. We, the old folks just laze around not able to leave because some relatives might turn up unexpectedly. But this year, none came. Might as well. I hate entertaining them. Thay ask lots of silly questions just to keep he conversation going. When they leave, thre will be the inevitable tug of war. because according to Chinese customs what people bring we must return some back so they don’t leave empty handed. So when they leave, my wife will quickly pack some thing for them to take home and they will push it back and this goes on until they finally agree to take what was given.

Of course in their hearts they know the things are already theirs, but as an act of wanting face, they must pretend as if they don’t want it and appear greedy to others. It’s a stupid tradition which I don’t like to follow. If my wife is not around when relatives comes, I try to act as if I don’t know the rules and keep quiet when they leave. They must be cursing under their breath that I am greedy pig by taking everything they gave me without giving something in return.  

My back is aching. From all the back bending on Sunday. I constructed a fish pool two years ago and somehow, at the middle of last year, it sprang a leak. So i gave away all my carps and left the pool there making it an eyesore. I turned demolisher last Sunday. Borrowed a hacker from a friend and started hacking away. It’s been a long time since I abused myself this way and by the afternoon, my whole body was already aching and both my arems were numb from all the vibrating.

I slumped on the easy chair to rest those tired limbs and you know what? I dozed off without realising. Hehehe… guess that’s what people meant by dog tired.   

I was just like yesterday that i complained about things that I have thrown out but then picked back by my wife and it is another week gone by. I have plans to paint the gates tommorrow, but the weather is really getting unbearably hot. Luciky it’s a little bit breezy, but still to be under that kind of sunshine in the afternoon can really kill some healthy cells. So now I am starting to regret I promise my fat lady that I will paint the gate. Sigh.. I hope it will rain tommorrow afternoon.

The weather is really creating havoc this year. Just last month it was raining cats and dogs almost daily, and in a matter of days, it had turned dry and humid. The experts have even warned of imminent drought. How ironical. One state has too much water that it overflowed the banks and some states has no water at all. Boy it’s hard even being the sky. He gets cursed if he puts out too much rain, and he gets cursed again if he stops raining totally.

Anyway, back to my gates. Till now I haven’t decided on the colour. Last year when a few Blogger friends visited, it was a new coat of pink, but pink is a colour that looses it’s shine pretty fast, so mid year, i gave it another coating of beige. It still looks quite okay except for the slight rust, but when the color is beige, the rust stains stands out sorely. Think I will paint it black.  

I was doing a mini spring cleaning yesterday evening because I did not want ot be caught in the pre-New Year cleaning frenzy, and I found something that I thought I discarded years ago. A box filled with old pirated VCDs. That’s the doing of my fat lady again. Everytime I throw something out, she will secretly put it away without my knowledge. I asked her what she wahted to do with those old movies and she just laughed and said it’s a waste to throw away good things. Well, she got the point there, or at least sort of got the point, those VCDs are still in good and watchable condition. Maybe I will auction them off in e-bay, buthen all are pirated ones.. shucks. Maybe I will turm them into wind-chimes and hang them on my front door. hehehe… good feng shui. My fat lady will like that.

Wonder why Chinese must clear the house during CNY. Is it an excuse that our ancestors created to have their lazy daughter in laws clean the house that they haven’t been cleaning for one year? Whatever it is, at least the house gets lightened once a year. Over the last 2 days I have collected 2 big bags of half new and new clothes and donated them to the local Buddhist Association. Why new clothes you may ask. Well, lots are sovenir T-Shirts l brought from my Hashing. Some are from Association campaigns. You know, I don’t understand why when they give away sovenirs, they don’t take into account the size and all. Some are Mat Salleh sizes that hangs down to my thighs. Maybe all they want is something cheap.

More discoveries will be made in the following days, I’m sure. maybe I will find a big box of money stashed away by my fat lady. If that happens, I will keep quiet. I promise.     

Right today the lanterns for Chinese New Years will be up. Spent about 100 bucks buying lanterns last night. Every year , I make it a point to hang up 2 new lanterns. Big bright red ones so that the God of Wealth when he comes, will see my house from afar and not go into the wrong house! hahahaaa…I think he went to my neighblor’s house last year because they struck 4D a few times. Me? For the whole year, I did not even see a consolation prize.

Maybe I did not welcome the Prosperity God properly last Year. Or maybe my Lantern was not bright enough to lit up his way. Whatever it is, this year I am making sure he sees my house. Other than the 2 Big ones, I am going to hang a few small ones. That should do the trick.

My fat lady is getting all frenzied moving all her potted plants, her laughing Buddhas, her stone lions to suit this year’s feng shui direction. I just did as i was told and kept quiet because I don’t want to miss my dinner. I tried to reason with her once and I know the aftermath of such an argument. looks like I am going to have some busy Sundays from now on till after the New Year.   

A joke that I have been wanting to share here but got caught with other things. Since it is the weekend, let’s have a little laugh.