Rhythms of the Night

Lilian said she made some money from her Text Link ads. I am so jealous. But the blame is on me. I have become a damn lazy barger blogger. I never bother to publicise my blogs. I have stopped pinging pps. I don’t blog hop and drop comments on people’s blog. So my readers have sort of stagnated. Rarely do I get new readers coming here or there and then saying they like what they saw and giving me a link. Maybe i have become complacent and taking things for granted.

All blog gurus professes that we should visit and comment and people will visit you back. All blog gurus says that we should write something informative and interesting and all blog gurus tells us to use attractive keywords and headers to attract search hits. Alas, your old uncle here had almost forsaken all that he has learned to make a successful blog. boo hoo hoo..

Anyway, like Lilian says, content is king. Money comes second and loyal readers seldom, if ever, click on the ads placed on a blog. They will cum everyday, fiddle my balls a little bit, drop a piece or two of shits in my comments, then happily wipe their ass and leave. Like go and giu gai no need to pay like that.  So for this and my the other blog, i will discard what i have been taught and continue bullshitting. The few hundred people cumming here will hopefully keep cumming and they will bring their friends. No pinging this blog. Human ping better.

However, that is not to say I am no more interested in making some loose change. I will be making a more concerted effort to promote this blog and this blog. Write more articles and push up the rankings. This blog in particular had been quite encouraging in terms of search hits. It went up to PR4 after only 4o+ postings. Then I sort of neglected it when I got itchy to learn wordpress and started this blog. Lilian encouraged me to pay more attention to it, and i have. Then, I started another one in the same vein, just to see if it has the same potential as that one. I am banking on these 2 blogs to bring in some beer money. After all I am money faced wot. 

Last weekend, Wings say wan to cum PD yam seng with me. Barger, that fella, scared i call him blanja like that, call him three four times oso dowan to cum out, so i went for my annual school gathering. Haiyoh.. saw all my previous girlfriend all fat fat oredi, eat lamb chop aso got no taste. Very disappointed, i started ordering my favourite brew. after a few ohkau and a few tequilas, your uncle high high oredi, went up the podium to make a speech. But you know lah. the mike in my hands oredi, where can let go wan. So I sang and sang like Ah Pek solo concert like that.

And today, i break sky square, (por tin fong) let you all see my most recent handsome face.

 Handsome lehhh…

I learned a new word today.  ‘Praetertranssubstantiationalistically’ and I can’t even pronounce it right. I searched and found that it was a word spoken by Jesus, so i guess all Christians must have kown this word. 

Why I so gatal went and search for such a word leh? Because today Ah Pek see beh sien. last night had too much Carsberg. You know, if I take Ohkau, I always limit meself to 4. Doctors say 4 a day is good for the body and the heart. But when it comes to Carsberg, I go out of control. Those bastards are always shouting ‘her chia tau’ meaning the head of the train and once the train starts, all hell breaks loose. Next morning you feel all bloated and no amount of Eno will cure you. You feel like dying, your heart beat goes up like as though your heart is going to jump from your mouth. You regret and swear that you will never take another beer ever again. 2 days later, hahaha….. here I cum again!

People say this month is a ’sueh’ month. So we should avoid doing things that warrants celebrations like weddings and what nots. Surprisingly, dinner appointments are coming fast and furious for me. To date, I’ve been to 4 and 3 more are on the line. And I’m going pokkai with all those contributions. 3 schools and 2 temples are draining all my resources dry. Each time they come, it’s the same excuse. "aiyah charity mah! take one table lah!" lama lama, i oso need charitry lah, if like that means.

Anyway, coming back to the new word that i have learned, Praetertranssubstantiationalistically 

This word is used in the novel Untimely Ripped by Mark McShane, published in 1963. It means the act of surpassing the act of transubstantiation, referring
specifically to the transformation of bread and wine into the blood and body of Christ during mass in the Roman Catholic faith.
note: This information is courtsey "google.com"

 

How do you pronounce the word? 

Hey, I’m getting hits from all over all because I submitted yesterday’s article to Problooger’s Group Writing Project. So if you too want to have a link in Darren Rowse blog, go and write something and submit it.  Now don’t go shouting all over the sphere  like " woo.. ah pek very lansi oredi. he got international readers!" . Don’t. because all these are curiosity clicks. I won’t get any one bookmarking or giving me a permanant link from all those hits. It’s a one night stand. if i may use the phrase. They come, have their way with me and then leave. No introduction, not even leaving a name. Felt like i have been raped a hundred times! I have a sore ass now.

Malaysian Blogs like mine don’t have international appeal. We differ too much in thoughts, upbringing and culture, especially with friends from The US of A. They will never ever understand our inner feelings and our sense of humor. What makes us die of laughter will have them thinking us as naive. What makes them reel with guffaws will have us thinking that are we not intelligent enough to understand their jokes. Have you ever seen a stand up comedian in the US, on stage telling his jokes? It’s supposed to be damn funny because his audience is laughing themselves mad right?  And you. Do you find anything humorous in his jokes? Not me. I can’t even make out the punch line, which is suppose to bring the house down. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe i lost my sense of humor. But then, I laugh at Mr Bean wor. So I must still have a little bit of humor in me.

Talking about Mr. Bean, I think I can relate to British humor more. Like it or not, people my age got a British style kind of education when small. We use the British System back then. So I have a better understanding of British Culture. Everyone knows what a mantelpiece is in Malaysia. Why, because we have been exposed to all those British literature, but a couple from Ireland was very surprise when I told them to place the picture I took with them on the mantelpiece. That’s the difference. That’s why they still think we live on trees.   

I’m no super blogger nor do i profess to know much about blogging. Heck, I don’t even know a single code of css, php or whatever you geeks call it. I just know how to insert a simple link, upload a few pictures ar maybe if i feel like it, embed a video or two.  God knows how many times I have messed up my blog  in the process of tinkering with the codes and then unable to put them back again! You guys have probably seen me change templates like changing clothes but hah, 5 out of 10 times, it’s because i messed the present one up so bad that i can’t seemed to make it work again. So sometimes I think, if given a chance to do it all over again, I mean, really start all over as a newbie, without any knowledge of blogging, what would I have done?

I want to be 18 again!

It’s damn tough for an old dog like me to learn new tricks. I can read all I want about how to code this and how to code that but come tommorrow, my feeble brain just won’t recall what I have read yesterday. So if I had the chance to start blogging again, I want to do it when I was 18. I would love to learn how to design the most beautiful blog. I would love to learn all the codes, the tags and the what nots that makes me able to design my own blog.

Having said that, let’s get a little bit abstract. What we are taliking about is getting a second chance to start a blog all over again. We can look at this both ways. We abandon whatever we have now and start on a clean slate, which means we can start with our accumalated knowledge of this blogging thingy. We would have known what works and what don’t. We can avoid making the same mistakes. I think if we are talking about starting over in this manner, the chance of success are much higher.

However, for the sake of argument, let’s say the good Lord made the world turn anti clockwise and you are eighteen again and blogging is still in it’s infancy, you would make the mistake all over again wouln’t you? But that is for agument sake only and to make this entry a little bit more fancy. hehehehe.

Ok. back to what Darren wants, ‘If I had to start my blog again’

If I had to start my blog again, I would get a Adsense Optimised Template or Theme so that I will get all the highest paying ads. Is there such a theme? I guess so, I get lots of e-mails introducing such themes.

If I had to start my blog again, I’ll get all those SEO softwares that I also receive through my e-mails.

If I had to start my blog again, I’ll do a humongous cut and paste blog. Then I won’t have to crack my head on what to write and still get acclaimation.

If I had to start my blog again, If I had to start my blog again, … but I have started new blogs so may times and have deleted them so many times that I have lost count. Recently I just started another one just to test the waters. See if these kind of blogs catches on because i’ve searched high and low for this kind of info when I started and all I got was blogs and sites catering for those who already knows about codes and stuffs. It’s funny you know. We search for stuff because we know nuts about it, and when we find one, the info there are written assuming that you already know the stuff but are there to look for more. Don’t anyone realise that there are dumbells like me out there who needs to be led by the nose to do certain things?

*this post is written as a submission to Darren Rowse’s Group Wrting Project - If I had to Start my Blog Again. 

Lillian is out on her 2 sens about why a young, successful, beautiful and filthy rich female Malaysian singer is getting married to someone old enough to be her father. She says it’s love and I will have to take her words for it. I can’t think of any other reasons. I read somewhere that lots of women likes older men. They get some sort fatherly warmth. They feel protected. They feel safe with an older man by their side. Of course it helps tremendously if he is rich. She will even feel safer. But what about the most important factor in a married life? Other than the love, I mean. Will she turn into another ‘desperate’ women? Only time will tell wouldn’t it? I am not debating on this. I am here today to discuss the opposite. Why do some Men prefer Older Women.

First let me tell you the idiosyncrasies of the man being. They are a very imaginative species. When they happen to know that a certain young woman has become a widow, their imagination runs wild. They imagine the woman would be so blardy horny because her husband is not around anymore to service her. They imagine that she would be desperate for sex. They imagine her masturbating all alone at night to get rid that desperation. So they do silly things. They try to act caring. They try to show parts of their body, hoping that she would jump on them, begging them to screw her good. WOI! Lelaki! Bukan itu macam punya lah!! You think woman are really sex crazed meh? They are cold blooded wan lah. They can survive without a fark for months and feel nothing. So stop fertilizing that imagination of yours.

Coming back to point. In my opinion, what is described above, to a certain extent, plays a part in a man’s decision to take on an older woman. On the other hand, some men, like woman, also craves for the motherly love. They want to be the protector rather then the ‘protectee’ It’s men’s ego. They always think they should be the one giving. One recent incident reported on the local dailies was where a young handsome men walked down the aisle with a wrinkled, hunch backed 80 year old woman. He tells the dailies it’s love. Maybe he meant the love he had for his mother. Farking hell, how do you bring yourself to screw an eighty year old lady. You tell me! Won’t those wrinkled  neng neng  give you a serious case of Penis Panic? .

I have never seen such a liberal and open minded couple before. Normally when someone walks into a pharmacy to get their supplies of things to enchance their romping sessions, they would just ask for what they want, get it, pay and leave in a huff. It’s an embarrasing transaction. The sales lady at the pharmacy is trying very hard to conceal her giggles. I’m sure they will laugh their heads out after the customer had left. Buying those things means telling the whole world you are screwing someone tonight and that is not something that you want the whole world to know. But this middle aged couple was different.

They browse through all the available products, asking questions about their effectiveness. They scrutinise it, smell it, and in some cases, apply it. I can see the attendant is haveing a tough time answering all their queries, but she is putting on a brave face and trying to act as professional as she possibly can. I watch with glee when the couple wants some lubricants. The sales attendant immediately reach for the K.Y. jelly. " Aiyah.. K Y again meh?. Don’t you have other brands? This brand don’t suit mt skin lah. Gets very itchy afterwards."

Sales lady, "oh, like that ah. try this one and see?"

The Wife, "See, see. This one good ah? never see this brand before oso? new product ah?"

Sales, Lady, " Yalah.. just came from China. Very good one. Got add perfume somemore."

The Wife, " Yes ah? can open and smell ah?" 

 The sales lady relunctantly unscrewed the tube and let them take a whiff.

The Husband, " hmmmm… not bad hor?"

And then you know what they did? The wife press out a generous amont and apply it along her thumbs and first finger. The Sales lady looked in shock as she tried to stop her, but it was too late. She made an "o" with her fingers and asked told her husband. "Try and see?". The Husband used his first finger and started poking the "fingers".

The Husband. "Okay what. very smooth."

The wife, " Yalah.. not bad lah."

Turning to the Sales lady, "Ok lah. We try this one.. if no good means I come and change hah?" 

Don’t you all or anybody just simply hates wife beaters? They are cowards, no? I will never ever be able to comprehend as to how a guy can raise his hands to beat up a woman who have bored his children. What happened to all those sweet nonsense that he has been whispering into her ears when they were dating? What happened to all those humid sweaty nights when their naked bodies were locked in embrace and the air condition was not working? What went wrong? Who is to be blamed?

What made him do it? Someone said that if he catches his wife on bed with another guy, he will definitely blow his top and he can’t guarantee that his woman won’t be in for a lashing. Can a guy stand being cuckold? I really can’t answer that. I try to imagine meself caught in a situation like this and hard as I try to cheat myself that I am such a gentleman and would never hit a woman, I can’t really be true to my words. I could be blinded by anger and do something stupid. Or I could remain my calm self, walk away and deal with it in a civilised manner. I really don’t know.

 But then, some are habitual wife beaters. I think they get a high from beating their wives. They are plain sick, if you ask me and they need to see a shrink. You know, that guy can whack his wife sampai the woman crawls out of the house thrashing and kicking and crying for help. Nobody takes any notice as it has become nearly a weekly affair. One week after the beating, you will see them having dinner at the nearby restaurant, talking and laughing like as though nothing happened. After a week or so, they are at it again. Wallop until all blue and black. Hantam till nose olso bleed. The next thing? Bye, Bye, they are off to China for a holiday! I mean, WTF!!?? Maybe they are into the S & M stuff. Who knows. It’s none of my blardy business anyway.

Maybe the ladies don’t know, but we men are really sensitive beings. We also respond according to moods and physical capabilities. Some times when the mood is grouchy like after a bad day at work, or when the bank has been calling you for days reminding you to pay up your car installments, our state of mind is so out of focus that even a 5 ton crane would not be able to lift that mighty kkc up. So before you put on that transparent negligee that you bought that afternoon, do try to find out the mood that your hubby is in first. Don’t blame him if you end up being another frustrated and desperate housewife.

Pysical exhaustion is another culprit which greatly effects the performance of a healthy blue blooded male. The mind might be willing, but the body is not, especially if you have been couped up in a car for more than 10 hours travelling all the way up north. So the first agenda after checking in would be to ask the bell boy to get you a good experience masseuse. Tip him generously so that he gets you a nice one. Not to old, but not too young either. Young ones are very inexperienced. Get someone in their late twenties or early thirties. The rub down you get will loosen all your tired bones. After the normal routine which last one hour, ask her the all important question, "*uu teh lam pah bor?" Ask in a professional and a matter of fact manner. Don’t be like shy shy like that. They are very professional and they treat their job with dignity. If they do offer this service they will say yes. If not they will tell you frankly that they don’t.

Getting your lam pah massaged is an experience you will never regret. Under expert hands, you will actually feel blood rushing to your holy rod. Those skillful hands will twist and twirl, pinch and pull and you will be in seventh heaven. The most amazing thing is they have the power to make your brother stand and sit at will. Tried as I might to have them teach me this technique, they always refuse. According to them, it’s not as simple as telling you where to press and you will achieve the desired results. If you do it wrongly, your little brother will be paralysed for life and I sure wouldn’t want that! 

*teh lam pah = massage your balls.