Rhythms of the Night

Ladies, do your loved one snore? People tell me that snoring is caused by a blocked air passageway when someone is lying flat on his back. It has caused many a happy marriage to break up. Fret not! The cure is here! For the first time in the history of mankind, a device that can muffled all snores have been invented.

Other than snores, this device is also perfect for muffling all those squeals and screams that your lovers let out during your wild love making sessions. This device can be used 24 hours a day. When you are not in bed sleeping or farking, you can use it to silence all the big loud farts that you uncontrollably lets out during the day. Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you………

………….

………..

……….

………

……….

…………..

……….

………..

The SNORMUFFLER! 

 source

A newly formed Non Governmental Organisation calling themselves Council of Underwear Nowearoutside of your Trunks have moblised their members to protest against Superman for wearing his red underwear outside of his blue trunks. Their members consisting of socially correct minded people of Planet Earth have called upon Superman to observe a more decent way of dressing when flying across cities where women and children are a plenty. They have demanded among other things that Superman,

1. remove his red underwear or wear them inside his trunks like everyone else so as not to embarass female population.

2. that he is not to do his changing of clothes in public telephone booths. 

3. that he must properly tape up his crotch so that there would not be too big a bundle bulging from his tight blue leotards as this would exite the female population’s docile imagination.

Superman, being an illegal immigrant in this planet, did not want to cause too much trouble and irk the Inter Planetary Immigration Department who have been closing one eye to his Earthly exploits, reluctantly agreed to the terms.

He pleaded for a one week’s grace period as removing his red undwerwear is not as simple as just pulling it down. It is a Super underwear and his forefathers, when designing it, has glued it to his trunks with Cap Gajah Super Glue. He went home and using his super laser eye beam, slowly and painfully burned away the layer of red underwear. After one week, he emerged at the headquaters of C.U.N.T. to show off his new apparrel.

 Now doesn’t he look better this way?

So i have been using Blogsome for what? 2 weeks or so i think. After this short period, I am starting to feel comfortable with the new environment and I am starting to really like it. Especially this present theme, called Connections by Patricia Muller who designs Wordpress themes.

Blogsome users cannot just simply download and install any Wordpress themes they fancy. They must be able to convert and tweak to make it run on Blogsome. Blogsome offers only a number of themes, The choices are limited and me, being an itchy old monkey, who likes to change themes every other month, went site hopping looking for new themes. There is a site which offers quite a number of Blogsome-compatible themes for free. I used it before this one, but it was not very stable.

This present one has been tweaked by Matt Schinckel who is one of the moderators at the Blogsome Forum. He is using this same theme himself so i gather he must have really did a major overhaul to suit his tastes. He has generously made all the converted codes in his blog and all I had to do was to copy and paste. This theme has all the bugs updated and more. For example, I can view all my uploaded picture in a page with all the links to the pictures. The default templates don’t have this function. I don’t think Bloggers have this neat function. The only grouse now is that Blogsome users can’t install all those cool Wordpress plugins. There are only few plugins pre-installed and if a user wants a new plug-in, they will have to suggest it in the Forums but I think most of the time, it will not be entertained, but I am not complaining. After all it’s free, and when you get things for free, you don’t complain about these petty things.

I use Blogflux to check my stats. It has a cool feature that lets you track where your readers are coming from and it utilises Goggle’s Satellitite Maps to pinpoint to you the exact location where your readers are located. So if you don’t like what they commented on your blog, you can go and bomb them to timbuktu. How cool is that.
Here’s a satellite shot of one of my readers. So don’t play play with me. You cannot hide. heh…heh…heh…heh……………..

Remember the few machines that I yearned for? It does exist. I am not going to copy those videos here, but if anybody is interested, go and have a look at sotongking’s blog. It’s something frustrated ladies will die for and something that non-performing hubbies can get for their wives. Quick! go have a look.

Superman is back! Him and his famous red cape not to mention his red underwear that he likes to show off to the whole planet Earth. The planet that he is going to save.

Now, I wonder why all superheroes wears a cape. I correct myself. Why do superheroes that flys wears a cape. Is the cape giving them the superpower to fly? Are they crippled without their cape? Batman does not fly, but he has a cape. So does Robin and numerous other supes. Naaah.. it’s not the cape that makes them fly. The cape is just a fashion statement. It signifies heroism. A hero must have a cape to make them look heroic. Chinese heroes of old also wears a cape. When the wind blows and the cape flutters, it makes them look heroic and cool.

One thing that I noticed. All superheroes wear leotards. Which again brings up the question why. Does tight fitting leotards give them super powers. Naah again. They just want to show off their super fit and super slim body. Nobody likes a fat superhero.

Superman, Superman,
Him and his tight waist band,
Flying across the land,
Looking for Lois, his lady friend. 

He is horny and cannot stand,
Those super wet dreams that has no end,
He needs to take care of that super gland,
That hinders all his flying plans. 

All superheroes have beautiful girlfriends. They must. If not, why be a superhero at all. And another question. How do their girlfriends handle those super lovemaking? Hey, he is Superman, so he must have a super prick right? He is Superman and he is faster than a bullet. Imagine someone with a super prick, humping you at the speed of a speeding bullet. If a speeding bullet travels at 1,000,000 cm a sec, then he will be thrusting at least 1,000,001 times a second. Can you handle that? Your pussy will most probably catch fire before he is over. Unless you keep pouring cold water over your poor pussy while he is at it.

Maybe some of you seasoned bloggers already know, but I just found out yesterday. I have been placed in a Sandbox, which is a totally alien term to me. Briefly speaking, a sandbox is like a big freezer. You are kept there and unless someone opens it, or tell others that you are in there, you will be there for good. Now this Sandbox is filter created by Goggles to keep new sites out of their Search Engines for a few months, before letting them out. Am I making sense? No, I don’t think so.

Anyway, I came to know about this when I was trying to find out why there is no search results for this new blog. Not to say, i get lots of searches for my old blog, but at least over there I get searches for terms like "konkek" "cheebai" and "puki", all which i can do without, but at least I know that the few major search engines have my site in their database.

Some say, i got to wait a few months before results shows. This is true, because after waiting for 4-6 months, Goggle will let you out of the Sandbox. The funny thing is, results were shown after 3 or 4 articles i posted on my Handyman’s blog. So, I came to the conclusion that it might not be Goggle, it must be me. I am not writing stuffs with the correct keywords that people searches for. I must learn more from my piao mei Lilian on how write the proper keywords to attract more search results.

If anyone wants to know about the Sandbox, go  HERE.

For the last few weeks I have been badly hit and infected by spammers. Windows keeps popping up and under. Even Firefox’s pop up blocker can’t do anything. Now, they even have came up with pop under. The windows open under the one that you are browsing. You don’t realise it until you feel your browser slogging. Once you close the window you are viewing, a blardy advertisement will be underneath staring staright in your face. CHEEBAI! as if I will buy whatever they are selling by advertising this way.

And then there is one that keeps popping up telling that my PC is infected and inviting me to install their free software. You can click cancel but another window come up and start the installation pocess and you can keep denying them but they keep going on. SO BLARDY IRRITATING! I am so fed up. I can’t do anything to stop these bastards, so I will re-dedicate the following curse and I hope Satan will help me this time because the last time I used this same curse, it fell into deaf ears.

 
I HATE YOU!

Nya mah chow hai, kan ni nau bu,
To all the spammers, I fark you,
If you have nothing better to do,
Go look for a pig to screw.

I hope your kidney stones jam your urethra,
And all your urine gets stuck in your bladder,
I piss on the grave of your ancestor,
And I hope your gonorrhea doesn’t get any better,

I hope your pubic hair is infested with lice,
And your vagina is a breeding place for flies,
Your penis, like sausage I would deep fry,
And your mother gets raped by an aids infected guy.

I hope you have bad luck for 18 generations,
And you can never get an erection,
You will get syphilis even with double protection,
And your cocks will rot in quick succession.

I hope all my wishes will come true,
Because really, I hate you,
I know it’s like waiting for the moon to turn blue,
But what the hell, PUNDEK LAH LU!

Don’t know and I guesss I’ll never know why. She said the popularity is getting into her skin and she feels raw and exposed, so she has decided to move domain and blog for an elite few chosen by her. She will keep her domain a secret and only those who are invited will be notified by e-mail about her wherebeing.

I feel very puzzled by this act. On one hand she doen’t want the popularity, on the other hand she wants readers but by invitation only. If that’s the case, wouldn’t Instant Messaging be better? I mean a blog is a blog. It is supposed to exposed to the whole wide world. Can you keep your domain a secret? Only known to few selected people? 

It’s a shame really. I like her blog. She has the potential to be really popular. She writes contraversially and against the norms. She dare call a spade a spade. She is quick-witted and she has a sharp tongue. She is highly educated and even has a double degree though blogging don’t really needs one. Sigh.. it’s talent going to waste. I just hope it is just the time of the month where she is feeling temperamental and not in her right frame of mind when she decided to do what she did.

Jumpa doctor this morning,
Doctor asked what is happening,
Told him kepala sikit pening,
Also susah mau kencing,

He pressed his scope on my skin,
Check my pulse, knock my sheen,
Took my pressure with his small machine,
Ask me what have I been eating.

Told him I had 3 ohkau last evening,
For breakfast I had mee kering,
Somemore whack one nasi daging,
Doctor hear already kepala pun pusing.

“You eat so teruk somemore you drink”
“You still young ah? you think”
“You better take care and stop smoking”
“If not, you die faster than I can blink.”

Haiyooh, this old engine,
Sudah sakit susah mau bikin,
Like one lau yah punya mesin,
Sini sudah baik sana lagi mula bising.