The best contraceptive in this whole wide world is.. don’t F.U.C.K.! That’s right. Refrain, my friends. See how long can you last before your neighbour’s bitch got to wear a chasity belt. See how long can you last before you go into full withdrawal syndrome and everything you see looks like a pussy. If you have reached the brink of your insanity, give me a call. I will teach you the second best method. That is the "quick draw" method.

Hah! I hear some sniggers. Diu.. that is an old trick that my grandfather used before condoms was invented. Ahah.. that’s where you are mistaken. This technique is not as simple as it sounds. Why else was the world population growing like nobody’s business during your granparent’s time? They wasn’t taught the right way to draw their gun.

As in everything, practise makes perfect. So, get your gun out everymorning and start practising. Hold your barrel firmly and tightly. Count.. 1..2..2.. draw! 1..2..3.. draw. Do at least 50 reps. every morning until your hands are sore. Place your gun back properly and take a rest. If you practise diligently for 3 months, I guarantee you will be the fastest gun in the region.

When the big day comes, relax. Don’t get nervous. Clean your gun properly an hour beforehand and keep it handy. When she is ready, stick it in. Control your rythm, pace your strokes. Try using the 1..2 1..2 technique. Slowly increase your tempo. Go! Go for it! When you feel it cumming, when the point of no return is inevitable, give it a final thrust, draw out the gun that you have kept handy all this while and shoot in the air. Bang! Bang!